I find myself constantly thinking about life. How I've in the past lived it, how I am presently living it, how I will live it. And I think about when the end of the road comes for me, what will people remember about me when I'm gone? What example would I have left?
I think of what I would be like later on down the road. What would I have regretted in life as a 5o year old man? What would I change then? Maybe I can catch it right now in stead of suffering for it later on down the road.
Example: School is really frusterating here. And if I keep on letting it get to me, then when college comes I will be suffering from loss of both discipline and education. I'll "reap what I sow."
(By now you may realize my thoughts are unending, and random too sometimes. You are free to stop reading at any point, hehe.)
I've talked before on how I want to fulfill God's plan for me. And I can see it happening before my eyes! Through camp, my goal was to become more like Christ, and looking back I have come a long way! For Christmas it was focusing on God. And I've come a long way! God used me soo much last year. I became a living sacrifice ya know? I wasn't perfect - boy o boy that is for sure. But looking back I can see how God's used me in many ways! The only thing I regret right now about my past years is that I didn't spend MORE time with God, instead of that I was wrappped up in sin. I am only 15, and I regret my sin in the past years. Imagine what I will have regretted at the age 50! This conclusion is what brings me to this thought when decisions are to be made in my life.
After Christmas I decided once again I wanted to become even more close to God than ever before! I wanted God to use me beyond my imagine! I didn't know what I was accepting, I didn't know what God had in store for my life. I laid it down anyways.
It always seems that the divisional weekends get to me. Mid-Winter retreat was amazing! There were points in the weekend where I felt God's presence stronger than ever before! A devotion that Carrie did left a huge impact on my life, well it didn't right that moment but later on (last week) it did. She shared so many things about herself that she had done wrong in the past, with all of us, that we would not do them.
Last week in our "New Creations" service led by our teens it was my turn to give the testimony. Again, little did I know what God had in store for me the day I accepted this responsability. I didn't know what all I would say, all I could think of about it was to just pray. So I prayed that God would work through me once again. That He would give me the words to say.
Sunday morning God let me know what He wanted me to say. I was astonished on how it came to me - plain as day it seemed. I don't remember what triggered the thought or what lesson was being taught! All I know is that God had a plan for me that night.
I have this deep secret in life that haunts me daily. A sin I've committed. God brought that to my attention during Sunday School class and I remember thinking "If only I were to share this. Wait! No way! when would I ever have the opportunity to?" Then it hit me. I was giving a testimony that night.
Throughout our Sunday school class and throughout church I felt God tugging at my heart ya know? I mean even knowing how scared I was about sharing such a personal experience or memory. I knew it was what God wanted.
When it was time for me to speak, I started off saying how I've been an officer's kid all of my life, and a homeschooled one at that! I said how I felt like I had to meet so many expectations throughout life because of my situation. I talked about how I wanted so badly to leave a good example that it got to my head and became a good impression. I had become a hypocrite!I said how I believe the world's view of a "Christian" is either a hypocrite or someone who lives a perfect life, no matter what it become's twisted up someway or another.
I then shared my long kept secret. I told them that if they believe they cannot be true Christians because of the unholiness in their life, they are wrong! I said how I regret this sin to this day, but I'm no longer ashamed of it, because I shared it I am not ashamed! Do you understand? I allowed God to use this unholiness in my life for good! Jeremiah 29:13 says "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all of your heart." I Seeked God with all of my heart!
satan tries and tries to conquer us and shouts victory when we give in to temptation. But we are on God's side, satan has no victory! God can use even the work of the devil's for the better good!! We just need to allow it!
Also at midwinter, Mrs Bett's sermon on starting a "revolution" changed my life incredibly! David, being a small, young boy, took a leap of faith and because of him the whole army was fired up! David started a revolution! I too, want to do this. I feel God calling me. The thing is we are all called to start a revolution! We are all called to live daily by His Word.
I still pray that I will have the faith to leave an impact on this world. I long to fulfill God's plan in my life!
Paul & Silas were arrested because of their faith. They were thrown into prison because of their belief! (I would think satan would give up by now.) But they prayed and worshipped God anyways! And because of their sacrifice of praise being lifted up, every door in the jail opened, every chain was broken. Even the ones of those who deserved to be there!
When I heard this story, and acutally thought on it, I learned that even though we may not be in David's positian, where we are of so much authority, we stand and fight to represent an army. We are still given opportunity to start a revolution!
Here is what I mean...We may not be the president of the united states and may not have the decision of where God is allowed inside of the local communities. But Paul & Silas also were not of that authourity on earth, they were in jail! Look how God used them! By them simply worshipping God, those around them were freed. If only we would continue our lives in holiness, worshipping God and praying...the chains of those who are around us wil be broken, they will be freed!
It starts with little places like so, where if we worship others may be saved, that we can start a revolution.
Now that I think about it, when I am 50 years old and look back on life, I don't want fullfilment in an investment of a $30,000 guitar or a $1,000,000 mansion. I want to see how God will have worked through me. I want to see an impact on those around me. I want to see myself as a man willing to live for His Father, totally devoted.
I want to see a smile on God's face. This expectation I have set for myself, I will definately work at living toward.
"I want to please my God." That is my testimony.
